Touch

I want to start of on a subject thats really close to my heart or rather I should say thats close to my skin. Touch is vital, essential to all of us and yet most of us have very different levels of touch that is acceptable. I should point out that I dont come from a particularly affectionate family but it was by no means absent.

I am also deaf and that has probably affected my view of touch. Touch is very common between deaf people that use sign language people as a means of getting the attention of a person before communicating to them altho it is notable that with hearing impaired and hard of hearing people use far less touch and are more inclined to get in front of the person they wish to communicate with. Its also notable from what I have heard of comparisons of deaf people and hearing that Deaf people tend to be more sensitive lovers due to their appreciation of touch as a means of communication. There certainly seems to be a higher appreciation of touch in the Deaf Community.

In another community - the polyamourous community of the city I reside I have found a fairly relaxed attitude to affection. To be sure people do pick and choose who they hug, kiss or snog openly. Its very much based on friendships and relationships and there are rules - such as asking first - especially with new people. But the affection is very much out there and not an eyelid is batted if people become affectionate and it isnt necessarily an indicator of a 'relationship'.

This is in stark contrast to the average everyday so-called norm of society whereby such affection and touch is the purview of of close family members, monogamous partners and interestingly enough women seem to me more affectionate on the whole than men. Men often can be seen giving a brief nod and they might not hug unless they scored a goal or something equally momentous event takes place. Of course there is the quintessential handshake met with how well each man grips as a measure of the man.

Its this stark difference that gives me pause. If affection is such an important part of our lives why do we live in such an affection-deprived society. Why do men take part in such limiting displays of affection unless its behind closed doors with their female partner. I feel that it cant be doing them any good to repress affection this way. I m pleased to see that hugging is more present in the younger generations - even if its in a token sense - that is preferable to the handshake in my opinion.

Touch is vital - caring, loving touch has so many health benefits - relieves stress as it lowers the heart rate (for most of us) and has been shown to be vital as we grow up as kids. People who have grown up in an affectionate family tend to be more emotionally secure as adults. I wonder if its one of the reasons women tend to have a longer lifespan than men.

I am heartened to see more hugging used as a way to greet people but I am disappointed that there isnt more physical affection going on. I have heard of Cuddle Parties and they arent currently operating in my city which saddens me - this kind of activity - non sexual affection is an excellent way to meet the physical affection needs for people and for people to make friendships based on this kind of social interaction.

Of course I am aware that there have been good reasons for non-touch: sexual abuse and the fact that we live in cities of strangers and the difficulty of how to gauge people since people are totally unknown to us and these people my have totally different worldview to our own - nothing is guaranteed. With this kind of city lifestyle its difficult to maintain some sense of regularity when there is such an emphasis on individuality and I am all for respect of the individual.

That said I am not happy with the level of affection that is acceptable in our society in average. I have become aware of my own need for affection and its very difficult to put that back to sleep once it has been awakened. I realise not everyone feels the need for touch and affection that I do. I have become more affectionate with my children and my mum and my sister as well as friends, not that I am a affection evangelist but I think its time as a society that we need to be more open and free about affection and become people that are more secure in themselves and create a more caring and loving society that is less likely to point guns and throw bombs at each other